Getting the help you need after a new baby

This advice is for really new moms. The first two weeks after your baby is born are likely to feel chaotic to you, and you will need to set up a support network in advance so you can get some rest and enjoy getting to know your new baby rather than feeling sleep-deprived, overwhelmed, and crazy.

Before your baby is born, friends will offer to help you out. Take them up on it. And be concrete about it: have a list of things you may want help with, and say right away, "Thanks so much! Do you think you'd be able to XYZ?" If people have previously offered generic help, get back to them and say, "You know, I really appreciated your offer to help out, and I realized I need someone to XYZ; can you help me out with that?" Of course, not every task you need help with is suitable for everyone, but hopefully, with a variety of friends and/or relatives, you can get most of the help you need.

Examples of things you might want help with:

• Meals—You will not be up to making dinner during the first couple of weeks, and even if you feel like you are, that is not where you should be putting your energy. Try to line up different friends to bring over dinner each night for two weeks or so. Make sure they call before they come to determine when is a good time. If you are not able to line up someone for each night, try to prepare meals in advance that you can keep in the freezer until needed.
• Groceries—Even if you have dinner delivered to you each night, you may find that you need someone to bring other little things, such as milk for breakfast cereal, snacks (if you're breastfeeding, you may be just as hungry as you were while pregnant), toilet paper, etc. A grocery delivery service such as Peapod may be a good alternative.
• Answering door and phone—A close friend might be able to come over at some point in the afternoon and just be there to receive whoever is bringing dinner that night as well as answer any phone calls and receive any other visitors. You could even give the friend your house key so you do not have to be disturbed to answer the door at all.
• Household chores—A family member might be willing to come in once in a while to wash dishes, do laundry, and even take out the trash.
• Baby sitting—But not so you can run errands! Tracy Hogg, the "Baby Whisperer," recommends getting someone to watch the baby for three hours every afternoon so you can get a nap. I don't think I could have done that, unless the baby were sleeping during that time anyway, as my baby would have wanted to nurse several times during that stretch. But try it if you can manage it, even if it's for only one hour. Friends and relatives who love babies will probably jump at the opportunity to help you with this.
• Coordination—If you have a friend who offers to help but lives far away, a perfect task for them would be to coordinate help from your other friends. Just give her a list of tasks you need help with and another list of friends who have offered to help and their contact information. That's one less thing for you to worry about.

For expert postpartum care, or if you have trouble putting together an adequate support network on your own, you may find it worth it to hire a postpartum doula who can take care of everything written above for you. Find a local one at: http://www.dona.org/mothers/find_a_doula.php.